Matthew 6:14,15

yesterday Chris and I went to church for the first time as a family. I have not been since I was little. I have always wanted to g back, just never had the courage to find a church that was right for me. Well the guy that married Chris and I, Shane, is the youth pastor at the Church of Greenbrier. It is inside Greenbrier High and I must say that I feel really good about this church. The message was Matthew 6:14,15. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not frgive your sins.
This really hit me because of what has happened to me in the past year. First my mother was taken from me and now my grandpa. How can I forgive these people that did this to me? I know when the time is right I will forgive them, but I just cant possibly do it right now. I started crying when Chuck (the preacher) was saying all this and had to leave the auditorium. When the service was over he came over to me and said he was sorry for what happened (Chris told him what had happened) and said he understood and if I needed to talk to someone he would be there. So I think God was telling me that everything would be okay and it was meant for me to be here on that day. I really didnt feel like going b/c my stomach had been REALLY hurting the day before, but glad I sucked it up and went. I am really excited about taking this journey again and getting closer to God. It seems like the perfect fit for our family. They have what they call the "Brier Patch" for the kids. Mallory was in the 3 yr old room and Collin stayed with the babies. There are only 4 babies including Collin so I didnt feel bad leaving him. I just have to make sure no one is sick since his surgery is only a few weeks away. But they just fell in love with him, I mean who wouldnt? LOL anyways....I feel really good about this.

say a prayer for my family

Today I found out that my mom's dad was murdered last night. We dont have a lot of details yet but what we know so far is that someone broke in or was let in and my grandpa was shot 3 times in the head so this is leading me personally to believe that it was someone my grandpa knew and was let in and had an arguement and he was shot. I was never close to him, so its not really effecting me that much but my aunt Angie is really taking it hard. I have been over there all morning and she is really upset. We have lost my mom and now my grandpa. So if you could say a prayer especially for my aunt....Thanks

Well today Jan. 15, is the viewing for my grandpa, and tomorrow is the funeral. There is so much going on right now that my head is spinning. I am so worried about my aunt Angie. She has been through so much and its really starting to take its toll. Please pray for her. Thanks Amanda..I should have mentioned it but didnt want to bring it up at Madisons party.

I promise....

to be patient.
to listen more.
to play more.
to give you more of my time.
to just let you be yourself.
to try harder.
to be a better mommy.

I am writing this because here lately I feel that all I do is YELL at Mallory. She is such a great kid and I have been feeling like a really bad mom. I know most mom's have their moments when they loose, well I have. Not like to the point where I beat my kid because I would never do that. BUT all I do is yell at her ALL day long. She knows what I am saying to her even if she is only 34 months old. She is a very smart, bright little girl. I am so proud of her and what she has accomplished at such a young age. The only thing is when she doesn't want to do something, well she just won't do it. I just feel like I need to do the above for myself and quit feeling such guilt about not being the best mother I can. So from this day forward, I promise to try harder, have more patience, and listen more. Even on those days when she is really crawling my nerves. :)

He found his feet

These were taken today. He found his feet and its so cute!!

My handsome boy

This is my little fella named Collin. He is a blessing in disguise. At about 20 something weeks in utero that is, he was diagnosed with a congiteal heart disease. There are many names that he is diagnosed with., here they are: L-transposition of the great vessels, left AV valve atresia and ventricular inversion. commonly known as double outlet right ventricle. He had his first surgery at 2 months old and that was the BT shunt and Danus Kaye Stansel. HIs next surgery is scheduled for the beginning of Feb. and that will be the Glenn shunt. This will be his last surgery until he is about 2 or 3 years old. He is such a happy baby and I am truely blessed to have him in my life. Here is journey from the day he was born until now.

Thanksgiving 2008

Dad, me and Collin


Collin and I

Exercising

Today Chris and I have officially started eating better and working out. I have never really ate bad, but when I get lazy and dont feel like cooking, we get fast food or order a pizza. Not saying that we will never do this, but we going to start doing this in moderation. I have a TON of clothes that I can't fit in, mainly pants. I actually only have 2 pairs that fit and I had to go buy those after Collin was born. It is so weird to me, because after I had Mallory I was fitting back in my clothes after 2 months. and this time around it's just not coming off and I primarily breastfeeding, with the occasional formula bottle because he has to have them in order to gain weight for his next surgery. but after that it will be just the boob LOL. Hopefully this will jumpstart my weight loss also.